i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This baby is an asshole
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
