My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
