brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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