a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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