I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
