Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
