You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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