You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
