I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
