You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
this hospital has no fireball
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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