I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We smell like vodka and hangover
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