your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
