i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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