We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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