You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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