She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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