I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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