i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
