There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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