I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
