covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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