it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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