apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
