Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
