never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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