Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
