No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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