the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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