Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
