I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
