I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
