My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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