in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
