His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
