Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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