I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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