It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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