Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
