This house was built for laser tag.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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