I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Alive.
So much puke
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
