you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
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all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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