so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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