i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
