Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
