Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
