It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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