There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
