it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Drunk is a universal language darling
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