dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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