Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
