the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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