Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
