He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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