I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
a search helicopter?!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Randomize
