OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
