I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
