did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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