Can Purell be used as lube?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
