Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
