I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
