you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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