so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
