I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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