I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
