There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
