No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
