Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
