who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
