Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
