what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
