in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
