I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
