return my video game
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
