Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
