Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
