guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Panties = found
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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