I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
