you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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