I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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