hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
