i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
