At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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