this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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