he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
